Ideological differences

Here’s a question: Can romantic relationships work when the two people are of different politics?

I recall a certain ex-boyfriend who was a dyed-in-the-wool, son on a Union leader, very much a total Labourite. Towards the collapse of that particular relationship, I remember remarking that Boris Johnson would be a welcome change to Red Ken in the upcoming mayoral elections down in London. The force of rebuttal to that suggestion was so fierce that it threw us into a raging argument, with my integrity and judgement being called into question.

Up to that point, we’d got along just fine on the basis that I quite liked Tony because for all his faults, he wasn’t Old Labour, and played enough to the centre ground that it was hard to disagree too much with policy. The Conservatives were in a shambles anyway, and William Hague – the only promising leader they came up with – had ascended the shadow throne far too soon and made a bit of a hash of it.

I suspect in this case it was just another excuse for a fight – we’d been at it from day one, and I should have called time on it before it had got that far, but that’s another story for another day. What was missing in this case was the capability of at least one of us to hold a rational debate and accept the other party’s point of view as valid – whether or not it was agreed with. To me, this seems ridiculous, as I disagree with a number of my friends on a good many things, but that stimulates healthy debate, banter, and general conversational tomfoolery.

The difference is that those conversations are with friends, not lovers. What I want to know is whether it is possible to sustain a relationship when you both disagree on something as fundamental as your political ideals.

Modern monogamy?

I like this perspective. It's the modern world, people, let's accept a little flexibility, shall we?

I have come to the conclusion that just because monogamy works for some people, doesn't mean it's right for everyone. Relationships need to be defined between people, but this idea that one-size-fits-all is perfectly ridiculous.

Two friends of mine have been together for well over 15 years now, and are very happy together. I also know that they have had dalliances with others in that time, without damaging the core of what they have together.

This idea that you have to spend your entire life with one person at the expense of all others is, I think, a little outdated and very constricting. The freedom to indulge your passions and desires can prevent stagnation in a relationship and ultimately stops you feeling tied down.

Now, I also accept that the counter-argument to this is not without merit, and for some people that may be the right solution for them, but at the heart of it has to be an agreement between the people entering a relationship.

More important than fidelity is openness and honesty with your partner(s). As long as you are clear and honest about your intentions (even if your intentions aren't) and you have the boundaries agreed, then so long as you communicate, a flexible, positive and healthy relationship is possible.