"teh basement cat iz in ur screen, stealin' ur blogz..."

Friday, 30 January 2009

Jonah the destroyer of hope

A study from the Spectator Coffee House shows the predicted effect on GDP and employment figures over the next five years as a result of his economic 'stimulus' package based on the PBR, courtesy of Oxford Economics. Follow the link to see just how short-term Brown's thinking has become, and then pray for an election.

Fuck's sake...

Not quite so idyllic...

The maddening lunacy of students who get on a bandwagon for a ‘cause’ almost always ends in some poor sap having to deal with the fallout. In the wake of Israel’s targeted action against Hamas in Gaza, the student fury over the Eden Springs water contract has roused itself from the doldrums where it belonged.

Basically, Eden Springs UK are a subsidiary of Danone Springs of Eden, a leading water supplier in Europe. No problem so far. The complication comes here: Mayanot Eden Ltd. is an Israeli mineral water producer which operates in Europe under the Eden Springs brand. It extracts water from the Golan Heights in Israel, and this is where Palestinian Solidarity groups have taken offence. Mayanot, they claim, oppress the Palestinians and steal their water, as the Golan Heights were illegally annexed. It’s the old ‘Israel the Villain’ argument, and guess what, it’s EUSA and the Scottish Palestinian Solidarity Society who are peddling it.

Some students are really good at causes. They do their research, look at all angles of an argument, reason out the good from the ill and make their stand accordingly. Others, and probably most, jump on the nearest bandwagon for the nearest underdog and shout as loud as they can, whether or not their case actually has any validity.

Which brings me to this case: Eden Springs UK does not supply you with water from the Golan Heights. Their parent company is majority owned by Group Danone with a 58% stake, not Mayanot. If you really want to dig into it, Eden Springs UK is held by Danone Springs of Eden BV (a Dutch company) which is ultimately owned by Danone SA – a French company. None of these companies have been charged or convicted of a criminal offence. Eden Springs UK are in fact a Scottish operated group – so all that EUSA/SPSS are doing is promoting the boycott of a Scottish company. Well done there!

So the sins of the father shall be visited upon the son. In this case, whether any sin has been committed at all is a matter of perspective, but let’s leave that out of it. The Golan Heights have been Israeli territory since 1981. Why penalise a UK holding of a French company for something that one of the partner organisations may or may not have done wrong?

While this has been bubbling along for a while, the Gaza conflict has once again brought it to the fore. The result of the renewed interest has been that a lot of University contract teams are under pressure from students to cancel the contract. Legally, they are under no obligation to do so, as you must have an actual, valid reason to cancel a contract. In this case, a bunch of students in a tizzy does not constitute a valid reason. Criminal conviction, breach of contract, failure to supply and so on – those would be good reasons to review the contract. If there are break clauses they may be able to exploit these, but they’d really have to ask why the heck they’d want to rather than tell the students to go forth and multiply.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

Epic Government Fail






A friend of mine e-mailed me this picture this morning, raising a weary smile to my face...

So true.

So very, very true.

Unelected, unable to admit his mistakes, and let's face it, generally unappealing.

Iain Martin at the Telegraph has a good measure of the man's current state of mind. This is the man leading our country. We should all be very afraid...

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

EU Procurement law Vs. My taxes.

I received today an e-mail inviting me to attend a seminar on EU Procurement law. There have been rather a lot of seminars on this subject lately, but this one was going for an attention-grabber:
“The EU procurement rules are fraught with difficulty.

You are required to navigate between the black letter of the law and the commercial reality of putting together a procurement.

To manage the risk effectively you need rock-solid advice on what you can and can't do.”
It went on to list a number of the hurdles and complicated rules that can make a public sector contracting exercise something of a minefield, from when you can and cannot speak to suppliers during the process, when a framework is anti-competitive and thus non-compliant, and so on and so forth.

Normally these things get the ‘delete’ treatment without any further ado; however this framed the problem faced by contracts teams within the Public Sector very succinctly. Basically, there are so many pitfalls, red tape and ridiculous levels of bureaucracy designed at making the process as ‘fair’, ‘open’, ‘transparent’, ‘non-discriminatory’, etc, etc. as possible that it becomes an uphill struggle before you even get started.

I’m not saying that any of these goals are a bad thing. On the contrary, they are wonderful principles of a free market. Public money should be accountable, and we should not be awarding the contract to someone who isn’t going to offer the best value for money.

It’s also fucking difficult to argue against the rules. They make irritating sense to a free-marketeer. If followed, they stop protectionist policies and are intended to prevent sharp practice, all good things. In fact, you can’t even say that a public body should be able to spend its money in the local economy, because the whole point of the rules is that the best response to your tender will win the business.

In other words, if local suppliers want to win the business, then they need to up their game and improve. It also means that there should be no barrier to those local suppliers winning business elsewhere in Europe, if they decide to do so. Great, in theory.

So, does that mean I’m happy that my tax money is going to line a German, or Spanish company’s offers? Well the flipside is that their tax money could well be lining those of a British company, so you could argue that it will all come out in the wash.

What I’m trying to make clear here is that the spirit of the EU Procurement rules is something I agree with. My issue is more whether or not the sheer cost of implementing the laws, enforcing them, and even writing the damned things is actually delivering us any value for money, or if in fact is costing governments – and therefore you and me as the taxpayer – a huge amount of money that could be better off back in my pocket.

It also means that the UK Government can’t say to contracting authorities (basically a body spending public cash) that they should source locally and support the British economy. It has no say over where that public money will end up. Of course I should be happy that the most economically advantageous tender will win, therefore saving the taxpayer money. It’s very easy to end up in a circular argument on this.

When the House of Commons commissioned the construction of new offices for MPs, what was to become Portcullis House, the contract for the windows went to a British firm. The problem was that a French-owned firm, Harmon, had submitted the most economically advantageous bid. Someone at the House had decided we should buy British. Harmon challenged this under a breach of the EU Procurement rules and were awarded damages in court for £1.85m. There were other aspects they could also sue for, however the House of Commons settled out of court for an unspecified fee. So the taxpayer paid for the windows twice over, maybe more. Now, can you spell colossal waste of my fucking money?

Fine, you say, live within the rules. I question not the spirit of the rules, let me re-iterate that. What I do believe in is choice. The same choice afforded to the private sector, which has far more freedom to make decisions on where it spends its money. What I question is why that accountability seems to lie with Europe, and not with the UK taxpayer. Why the fuck are some overpaid bunch of bureaucrats allowed to tell our public sector that it can’t support local businesses if it chooses to do so? It may not be the right choice, but the point is that the public sector in the UK should be responsible to the UK taxpayer, not to fucking eurocrats.

I fail to see why we need another layer of bureaucracy on top of our own, trying to tell us what we can and can’t do – private or public sector. Big government is not a good thing. More big government above a big government is worse. We have enough crap from our own politicians, we really don’t need to be subsidising eurocrats as well, and we really don’t need more layers of red tape, processes and procedures that cost the taxpayer even more money.

Monday, 26 January 2009

Editorial row? I'll wiki it.

I’m sorry, but why in the name of fornication is this news? My BBC RSS feed has just informed me that Wikipedia is engulfed by an editorial row.

Engulfed. What an interesting word to use. Yes, I can see it now, swept asunder by editorial fury, drowned like Atlantis under the torrents of their rage...

The story goes that the unmoderated editing of Wikipedia entries is being reviewed after a number of wags changed certain pages – in this case those of Senators Robert Byrd and Edward Kennedy – to suggest the subjects in question were no longer amongst the living. This isn’t new, it has happened before. Lore has it that the Microsoft entry has on a number of occasions been edited humorously to be less than complimentary about dear old Bill.

The part of this I’m missing is why this matters. A group of people passionate about their product are reviewing one of the core principles on which their vision was founded. I would be much more surprised if there was laconic agreement to such a big shift. Of course there will be arguments and raised voices. Those who believe in a free interweb and information sharing tend to be evangelists for their principle, and if some amongst them are questioning that, the discussion is likely to be heated.

For what it’s worth, I would urge a little backbone amongst the doubters. Whilst Wikipedia has grown to be a respected and trustworthy source of information (due to what I like to think of as the Law of Anal Retentives), it has done so without official moderation. The truth generally outs. The principle of Wikipedia as being the encyclopaedic equivalent of open-source software should not be threatened simply because there are some irresponsible people out there who decided to have a bit of a chuckle.

My word to the editorial team: leave it as it is. It works, and don’t let the minority spoil something you have every right to be very proud of. Even if your founder does think it's okay to wear a kimono.

The boy who lied

I heartily apologise for the total lack of blogging for the last week or so. My bad, etc.

So, quick recap - Obama got sworn in, Gordy B immediately tried to pin himself to the reflected glory, RBS became even more nationalised than it was already (oh, how the mighty have fallen) and I got thoroughly 'refreshed' at a Burns Dinner one night early. Because having Burns night on a Sunday - and therefore a school night - is just silly.

Anyway, on the notice board at work a co-worker had posted a piece of poetry singing the praises of GB for nationalising RBS in the name of every Scot, thus saving the world. This irritated me on a number of levels, not the least because it involved nationalising, a distinct lack of economic understanding, and because it smacked of nationalism. I therefore spent fifteen minutes of my lunchtime coming up with a suitably withering response, got a bit bored, and came up with this.

The Boy Who Lied
by teh basementcat

Economy in meltdown,
A currency in decline,
A leader who is frightful,
And apparently quite blind.

While mortgaging our future,
Haemorrhaging our cash,
He seems to think we’ll let him,
Spend our money like a rash.

The solution isn’t working,
Simply spending will not save,
When grassroots change is needed,
This man is just not brave.

He will not trust the public,
He curtails our liberty,
He wants their private data,
But he’ll lose it as you’ll see.

A rigid style of leading,
He bullies all his peers,
Decries opponents as ‘do nothing’,
When they are what he fears.

He claimed an end to boom-and-bust,
That he brought a golden age,
While flush he failed to fix the roof,
He’s clearly no great sage.

His work is self protection,
Delusion is his game,
Our fault to perpetrate it,
But, oh, what is his name?

His touch is not like Midas,
This misguided lying clown,
He curses all he touches,
His name is Jonah Brown.

Okay, so it's hardly Whitbred Prize-winning stuff, but it was a suitable outlet for my irritation.

Friday, 16 January 2009

Eurobarometer swings...

... Exactly where you'd expect it to, actually.

Just to crunch the numbers for you:

  • 14% of UK residents questioned were aware that European elections will be held in 2009.
  • 34% of UK residents questioned are even interested in said elections.
  • 64% are not.
  • 18 % of us 'would definitely vote'
  • 28% of Brits have recently heard/seen something about the European Parliament on TV/Internet/Newspaper (the lowest of all members polled).
  • 19% of us think we're well informed about European Parliament.

Oh, and apparently we have a European Anthem.

Anyway, the upshot of this would seem to suggest that the UK at large doesn't have much interest in Europe. The Czech seem to have noticed this.

To quote DK: "Can we leave yet?"

Hat tip to The Croydonian.

Making a big splash

















Now that's what I call Plane Sailing
.

Smoke and mirrors. And Sat-Navs, nannies, mortgages...

Mr Eugenides has cross-posted on DK about a little smoke-and-mirrors at Westminster - namely, that the much awaited 'review' of MPs expenses, in a severely watered down format, was conveniently announced (without much ado) on the same day as the Heathrow runway debacle. John McDonnell's little performance served as a nice little headline grabber to draw attention to the fact that very little has changed.

The Times has the run-down here.

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Monday, 12 January 2009

LabourList

With the launch of LabourList, the left-wing blogosphere hopes to find its answer to the successful and much lauded ConservativeHome. Guido, Dizzy, DK, ConHome and many more of the right-wing bloggers have already taken the time to offer their advice, support and comments/criticisms in what has generally appeared a magnanimous display. I won't add to what they have said, but I did take the time to have a look at some of the entries, and the first blog by Peter Mandelson was too hard to resist.

He happens to mention that:

"I have blogged before, when I was a European Commissioner at the WTO Doha Ministerial
meeting in Geneva last July, and I enjoyed it. But in this, my first UK political blog, I want to say something about how we get our message out in these modern times."
Yes indeed, I'm sure you do Peter. Modern times indeed...

Of course, one wag couldn't resist that bait, which rather proved the case in point (emphasis added by me):
"Your claims to have blogged before and enjoyed it are a little inflated, surely? The realm of the blog, unlike simply having an article published in a newspaper, is that it is interactive. To do it right you need to engage with those who comment, and to be willing to support your initial argument or statements when they are questioned. I look forward to this, but suspect there's more chance of photographing pigs flying in formation.
The Ranting Penguin @ 8:01 am, Mon 12th Jan 2009

You couldn't be more wrong "Mr. Ranting Penguin"? I am enjoying reading the comments and once I have attended the government's job summit this morning I will be responding to them, even from those people with rather odd names...
Peter Mandelson @ 8:13 am, Mon 12th Jan 2009"

Are you sure you've blogged before, Mandy?

Sunday, 11 January 2009

PC Brigade Strikes Again

The sad thing about public life is that all it takes is for one little comment to be taken out of context, and before you know it, the PC Brigade are jumping all over you demanding an apology.

My comments somehow failed to make it on to the BBC website, but it looks like my opinion was mirrored by a good many others who made their voices heard.

On one hand, I can understand how an outsider might see Harry referring to a colleague as a 'paki' could be taken as racist, except that would mean by extention that calling him a 'brit' would also be offensive. I appreciate that the word has connotations, but who gave it that connotation? Isn't not using it perpetuating the negative connotation? I mean, the gay community reclaimed gay, why can't the pakistani community reclaim 'paki'?

In context, it was more than likely being used as a nickname - call a spade a spade, right? As for raghead... well our troops are being expected to go off and shoot Afghan terrorists and Iraqi insurgents. Shooting is fine, calling them names is not, clearly.

Now if Harry meant it offensively or was bullying the lad, then I could understand the issue, however, I don't believe that in this instance he was. It's another example of the PC brigade jumping on an opportunity to get wound up over nothing and for the media to whip up a little frenzy.

Get. Over. It... and leave the poor lad alone.

Friday, 9 January 2009

Almost...

This is almost enough to make me like him.

But only because Optimus Prime > Everything.

There does seem to be something of a superhero theme running through parliament at the moment. The Prime Mentalist shot himself in the foot with his planned 'Not Flash, Just Gordon' campaign. Even before his faux-pas on saving the world, the moniker Flash Gordon was sticking. He's been likened to Superman by his MPs, and the Tories decided he was more like Lex Luthor.

So what would that make Cameron and Clegg?

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Global risks

I am now thoroughly ensconced back at my desk, roibos tea in one hand, mouse in the other. Blogging services are resumed.

One of my colleagues joked that he had expected me to have been kidnapped while I was away. This got me thinking. According to the RiskMap 2009, published by the Control Risks Group, Nigeria ranks number four in the top ten kidnapping-for-ransom countries in the world. So, you might conclude that a visit to Nigeria is not the wisest thing to do.

I disagree. I went, and I returned without incident, or even the suggestion of one. Why? Because I was miles away from the problem. Nigeria’s troubles are concentrated in the Niger Delta. The hotspot, if you like, is Port Harcourt in the east. The west of Nigeria could be a holiday destination if it wasn’t for the litter on the beaches.

On New Year’s Eve I shared a table with an Olympic swimmer. She had competed for Zimbabwe earlier that year, realising a life-long dream. Sat in conversation with her, I asked how safe it would be for me to visit. Her answer raised a wry smile on my face.

“Are you a farmer?”

“Not last I checked.”

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re bringing foreign money into the country.”

She then made another point to me, which I’ve already alluded to. There is more to Zimbabwe than Harare. The south of the country is, I’m told, beautiful. You can go on a safari for less than $300 USD within two hours drive of the nearest airport, and stand a handbreadth from lions and giraffes.

Of course, the counter to that is if there are safer places to go where you can do similar things, why entertain the risk? Simply put, because I saw things that most people will never see. As I clambered up the side of a waterfall, I knew that the chances were strong that aside from locals, no one else ever did this, and that held a little magic for me.

On the other hand why take any money into a country like Zimbabwe, run by a man who is a blight upon freedom? If you can be sure he won’t get his mitts on it, fine...

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Happy New Year, I suppose!

See above. Had about 5 knots of wind today at best, southerly, but nipped out in a Lightning and took part in a race at the Lagos Yacht Club. Needless to say with barely a gentle breeze in the offing a run was barely possible. Tacking we got a respectable speed, but even with the spinnaker up on a run and the boom out we were barely moving at times. Worst December for sailing in memory at the Lagos Yacht Club, I was told.

Anyway, we're off to Ikoradu tomorrow to canoe up the creek, visit a king and see palm oil refineries. Particularly excited about the canoe part.

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Back in Lagos...

I've just spent the last few days a few hours north of Lagos near Ibadan, at the International Institute of Tropical Agriculture, or IITA. It is a research campus which doubles as a hostel for visitors, and is a stone's throw from the second largest city in Nigeria. From the peace and carefully presented grounds, you could be a thousand miles away.

We didn't spend that much time on campus, save to poke around and take a drive around the artificial lake they have created to help with the irrigation of their experiments. One of our company wryly suggested that given that they were meant to be researching ways to help grow substance in dry conditions, having all that irrigation on hand rather defeated the object. Missing the point, somewhat, but amusing nonetheless.

While there, we took an eleven-hour daytrip that saw us venture to Osogbo, visiting a local king and his chiefs, then to a UNESCO world heritage site: a sacred shrine to the old Yorouba religion. Much of it had been built and decorated by a woman called Suzanne Wenger, who moved to Nigeria back in the 1950s. She is now 94, and her work is very much in an African style, but as though she had been channeling Gaudi while doing it.

Now that I'm back in Lagos, the plan is to head back down to the Yacht Club for New Year's Eve. Safely back in the expat fold, removed to our little bubble. Hopefully there will be a few bubbles in my glass tonight.

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Correspondent's Diary - Lagos, Day Four

Christmas Eve in Lagos. I’m told by Chris that the traffic is a little worse today, especially heading to the Supermarkets and market in Lekke, which are both on my hitlist for this morning. Instead of following the main roads, we duck down some of the back routes of varying surface quality. Drivers down these back roads are a little crazier than those on the main roads, if such a thing is possible. Even so, it takes a good while for us to cover the distance.

Driving through Lekke is like driving through the middle of a field of construction, with great open spaces awaiting development. Along the roadside are hundreds of merchants waiting for the traffic to build up so they can walk in between the cars caught in the inevitable go-slow – or traffic jam – and tout their wares.

After a while, the car pulls off the main road onto a dusty track, winding about stalls filled with merchandise of all types. Chris manoeuvres the car into a fenced area, and as he does, scores of children spot the oyiebos – white men – in the car and come running up alongside, following us to where we park. I take a deep breath and step out the car. My brother and I are swarmed with hands reaching out for us to shake as they shout their names and tell us to remember them.

This wasn’t unexpected. Eventually, one of the older boys seems to take control and chases away the others until it’s just him and a younger lad called David who accompanies us. Their role is to point stalls of interest and to carry anything we buy. At the end, we’ll give them a ‘Dash’ for their efforts. Chris shows us around the market, and does a little negotiation on our behalf as we pick up some fruit and vegetables – mangos, pineapple, tomatoes and potent little peppers. My brother is offered a DVD loaded with 48 movies, which he decides isn’t bad value. Chris negotiates the merchant down from 1500 Naira to 500, about £2.50. Everything out here is negotiable, especially when oyiebo is involved. As you can imagine, the price they offer the first time around is vastly inflated.

We see a lot of African art, carvings and beads, clothing and more knock-off DVDs than you can shake a stick at. Movies only just coming out at home are available for purchase on pirate DVD and I’m told, though I can’t confirm, that the quality is pretty good.

After a while wandering the market we jump back in the Toyota Pradu and head for the Supermarket, still in Lekke but a good half hour in traffic and around some sneaky back-ways that Chris knows. Entering the mall, you could be anywhere. The supermarket is packed – everyone is stocking up at the last minute for Christmas. As I said, you really could be anywhere.

What strikes me most about the supermarket and the mall surrounding is how expensive everything is. These really are luxury goods. There is a lot of money rolling about Nigeria, and hard as it might be to believe, most of it is in the pockets of Nigerians. There are a lot more millionaires, per capita, in Nigeria than there are in the UK. There are also a lot more per capita below the poverty line. It is very much a country of extremes.

Tonight we will be heading down to the yacht club for small chop – food – and carols. It’s a little slice of tradition with a Nigerian flavour, and given that there’s a bar involved, promises to hold just the right sort of tradition for me.

Correspondent's Diary, Lagos - Day Three

Lagos is hazy in the morning, a persistent cloud that shrouds the air, though the sun still beats through. It is the time of the harmattan, dust carried on the wind from the deserts of the north. It is ever-present, but only seems to affect the air high above. At ground level the air is balmy, if humid.

Chris accompanied me out to the Federal Hotel where I was to exchange £500 Sterling into Naira. My mother reckoned the exchange rate was about 206 to the pound, at least according to the internet. I had envisaged walking in to the hotel lobby where there would be official travel exchanges set up. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.

We arrived at the hotel and Chris led me to some wooden huts set up outside the hotel. They looked like market stalls, filled with fabric, threadbare chairs and local carvings. I got the impression from Chris that he knew one of the guys here was better than the rest, and we went inside. I left the talking to Chris, sensing that this was not the time to flex my negotiating skills.

After a few moments of barter and chuckles – two I didn’t exactly expect to go together – Chris beckoned me to come outside, then asked me again what the rate on the internet was. He nodded when I told him, then he took me back in and spoke to the guy again. After a few minutes he motioned to me and I pulled out the sterling, counting it out to Chris, who checked it and handed it to the trader, who did his own count. Several rolls of Naira were handed to me, and I stashed them out of sight after a quick check.

Heading back to the car, Chris explained that the traders knew the internet rate and would immediately offer that to ‘Whitey’, but he knew they did this and would negotiate with them for a better rate. Sure enough, he got us 210. Doesn’t sound like much, but it amounted to an extra 2000 Naira, which at present rates is about £10. Worth the few minutes of bargaining.

After my Dad finished work we headed to the yacht club again, and Elias, the assistant Bosun who also looks after the Tarpons, helped us push my Dad’s GP14 in to the water. He and I had a quick sail on a close reach, broad reach and a run, then back to the club. The winds were dying and as most of the boat-boys had gone home early we had no safety boat. Getting stuck against an ebb tide with scant wind wasn’t on our list of things to do, so sensibly we got the boat back out the water and de-rigged.

We had arranged to meet up with two of the other expats later on in the evening at an English place called Pat’s Bar. It was your classic English home-away-from-home sports bar, and the kind I usually avoid like the plague. It was also filled with mosquitos, though not the malarial biting kind. Some very svelte Nigerian girls were in, with a clear objective on their minds that would inevitably involve a transaction of some kind.

Not a transaction I was interested in making. Unfortunately, with homosexuality being rather illegal over in Nigeria, playing the gay card wasn’t really a viable option. Instead I just had to grin through their attentions and play along, knowing that at least I had some backup and an escape route. My brother fared a little better than I, having experienced the phenomena in Thailand.

For my part, I wasn’t at all sorry when we called home-time and headed for the safety of our Toyota 4x4.

Correspondent's Diary, Lagos - Day Two

This one is a few days late, and I’ll try and catch up on the reportage – internet has been down for a few days and we’ve just got it up and running now.

So, Monday. Even this close to Christmas, Lagos was busy with life, and with traffic. We woke early to head down to the BG Nigeria offices to be given a security briefing – mandatory for all guests, visitors and family.

The Security Advisor taking us through all the details was an ex-Army chap who had been working out in Nigeria for the past twelve years. From the sound of it, he had been on the rough end of a kidnapping himself on at least one occasion. His message to us, more than anything, was that Lagos, and Nigeria, like anywhere, had places you could go, and places you should avoid. Common sense was the key, and that was what my brother and I took to heart. We have no intention of heading anywhere near the Delta on this trip. In all but name, a civil war rages there, but for the distance, it might as well be a different country. Until Lagos sorts out its infrastructure it will never be a holiday destination, but having seen some of the culture and some of the potential, I have to wonder that maybe in a few generations once the political process has had time to bed in, that might just become a reality.

We headed down to the yacht club a little too late in the day to get any time on the water – winds were dropping and most of the boat-boys had gone home, so I sat and indulged in a Bloody Mary while Iain got a dry lesson on the GP14.

Life is tough.

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Correspondent's Diary - Lagos, Day 1

We arrived in Lagos at 22.15 local time last night. The flight had been delayed for almost two hours at Heathrow after a group of passengers had decided that they weren't going to show up, despite having checked in. One of the British Airways stewards was overheard saying that she suspected they had gone into London for a spot of shopping, and lost track of time. In any event, their bags needed to be removed from the hold before we could leave, which meant taking everything off and finding them.

On a 747, that's a lot of bags.

That little hitch aside, the rest of the journey was fairly smooth. A touch of banter and a cheeky smile or two with the steward in our section ensured that my brother and I were well looked after, with enough drinks to keep us suitably lubricated. A few in-flight movies later, and we had touched down in the sweltering heat of Lagos.

We were met by a young Nigerian who guided us through immigration and customs. Dad was waiting with his driver, Chris and our 'mopol', an armed police escort. It was explained to us that a mopol is pretty standard for trips to the airport, especially late at night. As Chris drove us back to the compound, we passed armed police checkpoints, dodging and weaving around trucks and other cars. There seemed to be little hurry, our pace was far from rushed but neither was it sedate, and Chris had no intention of stopping if he could avoid it. Assertive was very much the watchword.

As I write, we are preparing to head out to the Yacht Club on the Lagoon to take out the Tarpon for a little spin. The sun has started to break through the thick haze, and this will be our first opportunity to catch the city in daylight.

Should be fun...

UPDATE:

Chris, our driver, took us down to the Yacht club on Lagos Island. We met with a number of other expats, these all employees of Shell stationed out in Nigeria. One, Jim, had the foresight to suggest a few Bloody Marys, which on a Sunday morning seemed entirely appropriate to me.

Every club, in my mind, should do a Bloody Mary. And every club, in my mind, should have a little special something about theirs. A secret ingredient, a little zhuzhy something that gives it that little je ne sais quoi . The Lagos Yacht Club certainly has that part sorted. It is a simple variation of the classic drink, lacking port, horseradish, celery salt, but with one addition that makes all the difference. A bottle of what was once Smirnoff Blue was tucked behind the bar, filled to the very brim with osmosis-filled chilli seeds and pods. Out of this bottle, barely two drops were added to the vodka, lime, tomato juice and salt that would have made for a fairly ordinary airline quality drink. With those two drops, a magnificent riot of flavour waged war upon your tongue.

Definitely set me up for the sail to come.

My brother and I helped my Dad rig his Tarpon, a wooden sailing boat based on the Lightning, and a boat that was in fact older than him. The Shell boys headed off in their Lightning, while we finished getting the Tarpon into the water, and set out to tack down towards Tarkwa beach. My brother had never sailed before, and once he learned that on a boat, normal civil courtesies or a detailed instruction sometimes take too long to say when you have a dredger bearing down on you in the middle of a shipping channel, he did rather well.

For my part, steering the Tarpon took a little more getting used to than a nice 49 foot cruising yacht. The tiny adjustments resulting in far more movement than you expect to begin with.

Arriving at the beach after around an hour and a half sailing, we were ready for a little lunch at the beach hut. Jim and I took a walk along and around the beach to a stretch of sand that eventually would lead you to Benin if you kept going. It is home to a magnificently tragic sight, somehow majestic for all that. As far as the eye could see there were ships, anchored off the shore. These were cargo vessels from all over the world waiting to get in to port at Lagos. Some, Jim told me, had been there for literally years. Some had run aground.

A cargo vessel jutted out of the beach as if caught on a wave in a storm. Its prow jutted powerfully out of the sand, buried from about half way down the hull. All that was visible of the stern was the tip of the bridge and two funnels – a sight I had mistaken at first for some kind of beach emplacement.

We returned to the club a few hours later, the final vestiges of the day’s sea breeze enough to carry us home on a broad reach. Appropriately enough, we returned to the apartment after a few drinks at the club to watch Master and Commander – big ships to our small boats.